Back to the Future II - My teenage self aged 17

Okay, so if you have not already read my previous blog then this one won't make sense ( so take a peek at 'Back to the Future'). Yesterday I found some pages of a diary I wrote when I was 17. It's pretty Adrian Mole..ish. I think he is about the same age as me too.
I lived in a Derbyshire town called Glossop. At the time of writing the diary I attended a sixth form college in Hyde (near Manchester). I am a doctors daughter. Dad was a single handed GP in Gamesley.
I could see the 'Snake Pass' from my bedroom. I have wonderful memories of my interaction with the landscapes that surrounded me.

It is an interesting contrast having grown up in a drowsy Derbyshire town to living in eclectic, bohemian Moseley in Birmingham. Birmingham now claims to almost be an ethnic majority city.

So lets get back in Doc's DeLorean and go back in time:

Friday 21st Sept 1990
It was Sarah F's birthday today. As soon as I got to college I gave her the 'Alf'. First lesson was with Doc Edwards, all we did was measure cress roots and shoots. Second lesson was free so Carla took me to Gratis in Hyde, its a lovely store.
We had physics practical which was fine. I got to tell Mr Wright that Rachel thought he was sexy...she wasn't chuffed. We had Doc Neath last and I was so tired.
In the evening I drove all the one way systems to get to Pizza hut, the whole family went, it was fun.
Dad has some post-graduate lectures on the weekend. He reckons that I'll have peace to work when he's gone....which is not nice.
The train ride home was really long. Rob, Ben etc.. were chucking berries at high speed. Samantha was getting annoyed so this lad walked past and she kicked his arse, he turned around and she replied innocently " sorry, my foot slipped". It was so funny!
Until tomorrow, inshallah it will be kind.
10.42pm

Saturday 22nd Sept 1990
Frodo Baggin's birthday. Dad set off to his course early. I went to Shire Hill again. I was on the ladies ward. Things went well, Phyllis even kissed me.
Came home, had lunch, then did a biology essay plan and, oh yes, I filled the dishes with water and played them with chopsticks. After this I did my chemistry homework.
I watched Brookside while waiting for dad. As soon as he came he got a call so I drove him up to Gamesley. Sarah came around and we watched 'Dirty, Rotten Scoundrels' (v funny with Steve Martin and Micheal Caine).
Work for tomorrow - revise chemistry, start essay references for Hampson, sort out Physics, water plants and dust bedroom.
I love my parents a lot. I don't know whether I'll be able to be without them at university.
Dad is so proud of me BUT I wish I wouldn't make him sad and be so selfish. I wish I was worthy of his pride.
10.47pm

Tuesday 25th Sept 1990
What happened Sun/Mon...well I was lazy! It's 10:20, I've just watched a programme on medical negligence. It is so hard for me to see doctors under fire.
Today I did lots of homework; I did a chemistry assessment on anions/cations and I had a driving lesson with Terry from Reeds School. He says I shouldn't need many lessons.
In the afternoon I studied waves with Mr Burridge. I was bunged up and giggly. Mrs Hampson set us an essay for Thursday! Dad told me Matron is leaving from Mansion House.
Yesterday I wore Dad's tweed jacket, it went down well at college. Doc Edwards gave me a video on windsurfing...I need to have a go in Tatton Park.
I got my last ecology biology assessments 9,10 out of 10.
I must tell you about 4am Sunday. Dad got a call off a lady in Gamesley wandering the streets ( same one as Saturday's call). On Monday dad admitted her to Shire Hill, so I'll see her on Saturday.
We might go and see Auntie Marie on the weekend. Mum has her GCSE Maths and English exam tomorrow.
Suzy's thick statement of the day, " Do non-magnetic materials attract everything?"
10.30pm

Wed 26th Sept 1990
I have to admit that the novelty of the diary is wearing off. But it might be fun to read one day.
I had college in the morning. Did the usual...watch bean sprouts germinate.....
I was at the train station at lunch, ready to come home. I was eating an apple and a wasp planted itself on my bitten apple, then another sat on my lip. They tormented me for a while. I flung my apple away and jigged about.  I was alone on the platform. I hate being alone in a crowd.
I came home, did some biology and chemistry homework. I watched 'King Solomons Mines' and 'Doogie Howser MD'. I had a shower then watched more TV.
I am listening to Tchaikovsky very loud on the headphones. Mum did her GCSE Maths and English and has been nattering all day. Dad has gone to a meeting at the Village. Suzy is pestering me about magnetism, which I am ashamed to say I know little about, even doing A level physics. I got a letter from my cousin Nausheen and one from Latha in India.

Friday 28th Sept 1990
Today has been a long and good day. I had a high...one of which I've not had since 5th year! I had Doc Edwards first, we've got him for all 4 lessons now. Next lesson was a free. We tried working, Mandy was in, she usually has Friday mornings off.
Jed was creeping for my Physics work, which I wouldn't give him, so he asked Sam instead, who said my worksheets weren't bad.
I found out Darren made a bet on Carla...so I started writing hate mail to him. Oh, I went to juggling club yesterday, and had Dr Bhattia in the afternoon. Emma wrote a really deep poem about luurve (with Darren).
At lunch time I was being very silly with Alison and Emma, Htwe saw the Oxford photos and mentioned I was "mean"??
In the afternoon I had a physics practical. Simone bitched about Sarah W. Ma and Pa went to Linfood cash and carry and bought 72 cereal bars. In the evening I went to Yachting - good but expensive.
11.15

Sunday 30th Sept 1990
Got up early (9am) and went to Shire Hill. It was a 'Fun Run' today. I showed a lady called Veronica the start of the race. I went to Shire Hill yesterday too. A bloke told me I worked really well as a voluntary helper. There was another voluntary helper too, he was an 'american footballer' in the race. He had a really sweet face. I saw Simone and Ruth, their friend Sarah went as Bill (and Ben). She looked really good.
I served lunch at Shire Hill and came home and had some yummy chicken. In the afternoon we went to Roy Hall, it's very impressive. I saw a lovely woodland picture, but could not get it as the queues were large.
Watched the Clothes show and a lovely programme on the ecology of Arabia. Dr Jonathan Miller had a programme called born talking which was excellent.
I pressed dad's shoulders and neck and pray to be more caring and patient with my parents and sister. Sarah told me her 'N' problems yesterday. She's in deep. I can only advise.
10.52


Tuesday 3rd Oct 1990
Ma is mad at me for not signing my cheque for yachting. Dad got a call saying Mrs Jameel has not signed a cheque....it was me. Oh $*!*. I'm going to the adult centre tomorrow to apologise.
Today I had my interview at Manro chemicals. I was 40 minutes early. I sat on the bus to Stalybridge with Sam's mum. I had a man interview me, he said "If all the people I had interviewed in 27 years were like me he'd really enjoy his job!". I've had an aching grin since.
Dad collected me from the cinema, it was hard to find a phone. I walked into a pub full of dorks. Oh yes, during the interview we talked about sailing. I asked whether he did...he said he isn't a seaman!
Came home, hoovered, watched a few mins of THE OMEN. Sarah told me she is still mates with 'N'. Dad came home late, he had a meeting. He organised a day for me with an SHO doctor.
10.40

Friday 5th Oct 1990
This morning I had a really nice breakfast. Dad brought a doggy bag from 'Woo Sang'. I met Sarah and man on the train. She's moving on Sunday. I'll miss her.
Biology with Doc Edwards involved watching a fishy video. I opened my brolly inside, and got into trouble.
Second lesson me, Carla and Ruth went to get Jemma's pressie. We got £19.50 so decided on a gold chain, cards and badges.
Had Doc Martin for physics practical, he was nice but I embarrassed myself when putting experiment back.
Came home, ironed ready for tomorrow (Worcester), had dinner and got ready for Yachting.
Yachting was about ropes. It was good, Nadine made an excellent chart compass.
Went out to celebrate Jemma's birthday. Saw loads of ex-mates from Glossop School. They've changed. Jemma was really funny. Saw Mr French, Wiz and Priest. Spoz said "Hi", he also said " I was a vision and he had been to the Indian restaurant for his 18th".
12.03

Monday 8th October 1990
Ma's birthday...45! I got up and gave her a present - a nightie, she liked it. Ruth and Alison got their purse nicked on Friday. Did the solid "photoelectric" effect with Mr Ball. Had lunch, ate beansprouts, and ended with Chemistry.
Came home, had some of Ma's birthday cake, watched TV until 6.30pm, had a tiny bit of homework and had an early night.
Worcester was really nice on the weekend. Set off at 7.20am reached at 9.30am. We went shopping in the town. River Island was great. I got a dress and a skirt and top. The Fownes hotel was amazing. We had a buffet lunch. Dad went to his conference while we took mum shopping for clothes. Came back to the hotel and had a shower, flooded the bathroom. Had dinner, wore the new dress with unaided stockings. The doc sitting opposite me was cleaning the wax from his ears with the teaspoon...yuk. There was a dance in the evening, so I boogied until 12.15. I had a major fight with Suzy. On Sunday we got up, had brekkie and visited the Cotswolds. Burton on the Water and Chipping Campden were so pretty. I had a most enjoyable weekend. Dad was so kind.
9.30pm

Saturday 13th Oct 1990
Long time no write. I had a driving lesson. In the evening we went to Yan Sing with Dr Hopkins. It was a wonderful meal, except I drove and it caused stress. On Thursday I wagged school and did homework instead. On Friday I found out Rachel has got an interview for Dentistry at Cardiff. Oh heck, I've not heard. We had a chemistry test which was okay.
Saturday today, went to Shire Hill. P is late. I've been eating too much. I came home from Shire Hill and put hot oil in my hair. Had a lovely lasagna for lunch. Sarah came in the afternoon. I did no homework. Dad gave her loads of furniture. She tried on Ma's saris, she looked nice.
Had a shower then went to see baby Carmella at uncle Samaji's house. We then went to Syma's house to celebrate her 13th.
12.06pm
P.S Jamie said if I read a text book cover to cover I'll get it ?!

So, there you have it - my 17 pages of teenage diary. I have not embellished it or made a 'story' out of it. Sorry there is no 'conclusion' to the stories and characters in the text...I guess I am a living conclusion?
Good luck with your studies. Even if you are not studying, consider writing a diary with your feelings in, at least for a couple of weeks. Reading back on it years on is quite therapeutic, I have enjoyed re-living being 17, especially as the angst is only two dimensional now!

Back to the Future - My teenage self aged 17

I have been meaning to blog for some months now. Forgive me for the long break. I have been busy though. I have read some thought-provoking books for my PhD as well as settling in to my new Associate GP Dean post. If I get chance I will revisit some of the books with you.
The thing that has made me start writing today is something that almost brought a tear to my eye. Whilst filing something away I came across 17 pages of a diary I wrote between 15th Sept and 13th Oct 1990. I was 17 years and 6 months old.

It is the 22nd Sept today, so I thought we could travel back 23 year, almost to the day. I will lay my soul bare. The intention of doing this is not to cause embarrassment to anyone. I am simply hoping that if you are aspiring to do something a little bit out of reach, maybe you are applying to universities? Then gain some strength from my insecurities and teenage reflections ( I clearly had some bad eating habits...not to be emulated). Believe in yourself and do the best you can.

Saturday 15th Sept 1990
Today is a boring day to start a diary. I should have started on my holiday in the Highlands, or when I failed my driving test or something. I wouldn't know where to start. I want this diary to be fairly interesting to read. I want it to be very private and personal but I'd be scared of writing down some of my deepest thoughts as I'd probably be ashamed of them, and if anyone should read anything by accident I would hate for them to get hurt.
I'll have to start being honest about myself, but then I'm scared I'll sound neurotic.
It's 9.05pm, I'm listening to Elgar's cello concerto, in bed. It's really emotional and it reminds me of how much I yearn for peace and refuge in a mountainous, romantic wilderness. I'm not stupid, I know life's not like that, but it's a magical fantasy which casts my mind from " the damping effect on amplitude" and the "reactivity of S block elements".
I really want to be a doctor. I know it will be sooo hard. I hate stress. I become someone else. I hurt people I care for most. Today I am not stressed, but I was frustrated when I couldn't do my physics worksheet. Only Allah knows my destiny.
I went to Shire-Hill hospital this morning. Did the usual, I shaved Harold and some other blokes. I was asked to manicure the ladies too, but I have no scissors.
It was a sunny, warm day. I drove to Tesco in the afternoon. Then I visited Sarah with Raza and company.
I was looking for a suit in a catalogue but got very little inspiration.
Dad asked me , if I had money what would I want. I gave him a few simple answers. All I really want is to be happy, and good to my family. I suppose today's diary is longer than expected.
Don't be surprised if I don't write every day. Don't be surprised if I get the dates wrong.
I'd just like to keep track of me, my feelings etc..
Today Suzy must have been disappointed. She likes Nawad from New York, but she found out he is a different type of muslim, Ahmedy or something.
Anyway, I must leave it for today...with the last word that I would like to lose some weight.
9.25pm

Sunday 16th Sept 1990
Well, what can I say? It's 10:48 pm and I have just driven back from Rizwana's house. We had a good chat, but most of it was about the unfortunate issue of "A levels". She thinks I'm pretty square. I wish to be a happier person.
I spent about three hours doing an essay on cell growth. I don't know what possessed me. It's a form of revision. I think it's a way of rebelling, showing how much I need to work to attempt to do well.
Now for the honest bit: Of course I love my family, but when I am too pressurised by them - going whenever and where-ever they want. I wish they would just go out without me. I hate stopping their fun.
I drove to the cash and carry Roy Hall this morning. The subject of "the test" came up. Why I am so bitter and hurt by it? God, I'm so stubborn. My driving today was affected by my feelings. So dad shouted at me and said I deserved to fail, which I am sure I did. Why can't I enjoy life anymore? It must be growing old. I'll try to be more merciful.
10:56pm

Monday 17th Sept 1990
It's 9.12pm. Words cannot express how I have miserably failed to understand my physics and chemistry homework. I've really got to try and get help. College was tiring but Mr Wright made physics slightly more interesting than usual. I had a "free" first so I did some physics and went in late. I had a carrot at lunchtime and my ryvita at 3.40pm.
In biology I got an 8 in my assessment, which is OK. Doc Edwards was really chatty about windsurfing.
I felt bored in chemistry so I didn't concentrate very hard, therefore I don't understand my homework.
Someone was chucking things in my direction on the train today. God knows why but it HIT numerous times.
Mandy's worried about Andrew who is home tomorrow and Emma won't tell me the secret to her afternoon good moods.
I came home and watched "The Clothes Show" on video, then TV101 (last in series). I tried to do my homework at 6 ( did not succeed).
Uncle Aslam rang at 6.30. We had a small chat. Amir Khan was on "The rough guide", taped "King Solomon's mines". TV was too good today. Work was bad. Life was fine. Alison was ill.
I love my family. I wish I could show them how much.
9.20pm

Tuesday 18th Sept 1990
It's 8.34pm. I am listening to Delibes flower duet. I can't do my physics homework, same as yesterday! Mandy couldn't do my chemistry so the question must be wrong! She said " Never say die", so I reckon that's what keeps her going. I tried saying it when I couldn't do my physics, but as you can tell....I died.
I've got to ask tomorrow.

I rang Reeds driving school and spoke to an answering machine. Dad taped Oprah Winfrey with Tom Cruise which I watched as soon as I got home. At college we had Mrs Hampson, who thinks I am stupid. Doc Neath was alright for a chemistry practical. We also had Mr (I can't cope with him) Burridge.
Rachel was depressed and Mandy was worried.
Dad wants me to go to Newcastle/Lakes this weekend. If I don't go the whole family won't go. I know they want to go, so its almost blackmail.
I know I NEED TO STUDY, but I can't do both. What can I do? Dad says he will not go without me.
I have to get into medicine.
I'd like to do a yachting course at the adult centre on Friday nights. I'm supposed to be doing windsurfing tomorrow but I have made no arrangements. I will have to do something else for complementary studies.

Wednesday 19th Sept 1990
Had chemistry first lesson- I got jip off Mr Haughton. Sarah and Carla had gone to a biology convention at Manchester Poly. At break we had assembly with Mr Ball. It was about UCCA forms. He said the first 15 had been sent off already! I then had physics with Mr Ball. He's a strange man, sometimes you think you know him, other times not.
I had to wait all through lunch for a talk on complementary personal leisure. I went to the Adult centre ( after just catching the train by a breath) and I booked myself on a yachting theory course on Fridays.
I've got an appointment with the expensive Reeds school of driving - (his indicator is on the left).
At 4pm we went to Wigan. We gave Aunty Bunty's anniversary present to her cousin Jean. Her family was lovely. We had dinner at Syma's house. Anam is so cute. We gave Nadia her birthday present.
Overall I had a very lucky day. Mandy is happy Andrew is going to see her. Me and Rachel had a depress sesh. I have to ask about physics C3. Oh yeah, I've got English tomorrow, that will be a change.
11.09pm

Thursday 20th Sept 1990
It is 8.58pm. Yes, pretty early today. I am tired from last night and I have a sore throat. I had a free lesson so I made my salmon ryvitas, did some physics revision ( but not anything worth remembering), I got stuck.
Before I caught the train I withdrew £20 for my Reeds 'rip off' driving lessons. I had biology second class. Mrs H rambled on about chemical mixing in the sea. TRIED to do some physics at lunchtime.
Next week I'll go juggling with Rachel and Carla.
After lunch I had Dr Bhattia for creative writing. I was too creative for Hydra ( I don't want to write for the school magazine). I was sat next to two knobs who laughed all the time.
9.15pm Suzy just brought be some hot blackcurrant drink, she is such a sweetie. I came home at 4pm and was nibbling all the time. Simone surprisingly came over. She wanted to borrow lower 6th chemistry papers.
I was a bit insensitive to my family today. Mum worked hard on homestuff etc... Dad said I was beautiful when I looked like a trog.
I must look after ma and pa.
9.20pm
P.S Try to ask about chemistry and physics.
Must start chemistry revision.


21:30pm 22nd Sept 2013
Get back in the DeLorean folks....I have to put my 3 year old to bed.
I will write some more entries from my diary in the coming weeks....if you want me to?
I sincerely don't want to offend anyone. If you have been mentioned above, and don't like the context, just email me and I will edit. I did not change any names because, whilst typing this I remembered you and recalled the important place you once had in my life...and for some people you still do!